Thursday Thoughts :: The Truth About Planning "Quality Time" with Toddlers

I don't know if it's only my son or what, but whenever I try to plan "quality time" in the form of a creative activity for us to do together, it doesn't quite work out. Also, it seems the more excited I get about the project, the less he is. I learned this a long time ago, but I try every now and again to see if the older he gets, the more interest he'll show.<br /> <br /> For instance, I brought out the paints and the pumpkins, lined the floors with newspaper, got down on the ground and started showing little B how to paint on the pumpkin. His interest lasted all of three minutes and the most excited he got was while we were laying the newspaper down on the ground. We got a few strokes of paint on the pumpkin and we called it a day.<br /> <br /> So I've kind of taken the pressure of "planning activities" with Brian completely off my plate. The thing is I always see pictures of friends on facebook making awesome crafts with their little ones and I'm stunned and amazed that A. they have the energy and patience to do such things, and that B. their children cooperated. I immediately think to myself, should I be doing more stuff like that with Brian?? #MOMGUILT<br /> <br /> >>Note, activities we plan outside of the house usually always go well. He loves the playground, the nature center, going for walks, the pool, the beach, etc... I'm talking more about creative play inside the house, and I have a long winter ahead of me here <<<br /> <br /> But then I talk to my friends, many of whom are in my same boat. We'll ask each other, "do you like, get down on the floor and do pinterest-y things with _____ like so and so on facebook?", and the answer is usually no, or if they did, it ended with crying and a huge mess for mom to clean up. And that is why they are my friends. Another point we frequently bring up, did our moms do that stuff with us?? Usually not. For holidays and special occasions, sure, like gingerbread houses and carving pumpkins and the like, but were they planning our activities down to the hour on the weekends? Definitely not.<br /> <br /> Ahhh the world before social media. I think our parent's methodology was, <i>stay out of trouble, and out of my hair. </i>And I have such fond memories with friends doing just that. My friend Rosa and I used to set up my dad's video camera and pretend we were newscasters. We thought we were environmentalists and went around my neighborhood picking up trash. We would lay a comforter on the ground and pretend it was our boat and spend hours trying to survive the harsh waters of the atlantic. We made books out of looseleaf paper and tried selling them to my neighbors. Rosa, if you're reading this, I hope you're getting a kick out of it.<br /> <br /> So although I can't use the same "stay out of my hair" methodology with my toddler because he's far too young and in danger of getting in trouble, I'm kind of just letting things happen spur of the moment and making quality time happen while we do everyday things like sing in the car, <i>ready-set-go</i> race inside the house, dance parties, run around the house like crazy people, play outside, play at the sink with my pots and pans, read books, etc... And when I'm not available, he entertains himself which does include TV and iPAD.  I must say, it's a hell of a lot easier and it's working out much better than trying to plan activities.<br /> <br /> SO, what works for you??

MOTHERHOOD, THURSDAY THOUGHTS

Thursday Thoughts :: The Truth About Planning "Quality Time" with Toddlers

I don't know if it's only my son or what, but whenever I try to plan "quality time" in the form of a creative activity for...

Thursday Thoughts...On MOM GUILT

<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody> <tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslCNmX0-G3NBLW4NaGBWJMYUNeLimjkRlXAqewcTBGJleQmwYluvRTqFSK7JgQiZFmJh_ghmRd3x1UJ3-ZpOcGLK306SivV_P0qzaV-YwS8b476C1Km6T5Zw0WXmtWC0hGR2GPLRiVwab/s1600/thursday+thoughts+11.12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhslCNmX0-G3NBLW4NaGBWJMYUNeLimjkRlXAqewcTBGJleQmwYluvRTqFSK7JgQiZFmJh_ghmRd3x1UJ3-ZpOcGLK306SivV_P0qzaV-YwS8b476C1Km6T5Zw0WXmtWC0hGR2GPLRiVwab/s640/thursday+thoughts+11.12.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr> <tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="font-size: medium; text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div> <br /></div> </td></tr> </tbody></table> I'm strugglin' girls with a decision coming up, well not really struggling but "rich people problems" as they say, AND NOTE I am not rich AT ALL, it's a joke.  As many of you know I'm a work-at-home mom. I write this blog, run a <a href="http://purejoypaperie.etsy.com/">paperie on Etsy</a>, and am starting a completely new venture in the fashion realm on <a href="http://instagram.com/purejoyhome">instagram</a>. I'd say right now my time is about 80% kids, 20% work, and truthfully, I'd like the work part to be more...Aaaand I feel bad about that. Why?<br /> <br /> Because MOM GUILT and it's so effing annoying. The thing is, I'm choosing to work, so that means choosing to spend less time with my kids to do something <i>I</i> enjoy, and there is a part of me that says it's okay if it's what makes you happy and in turn a better mom, and then there's a part of me that says it's selfish and that one day I might look back and say I wish I'd spent more time with my kids instead of in front of a computer screen. Again this guilt stems from the fact that I'm choosing to work, which is much different than <i>having</i> to work for income, though of course we would benefit greatly from some added income so we could save, college funds, etc... Also please note, I'm not trying to brag about the fact that I have that choice, it's just where our life is right now and we have made sacrifices to live off of one income, and I'm fully aware that can all change one day.<br /> <br /> So, this week I kind of hit a breaking point. I was pretty strung out by the time my hubby came home from work. The house was messy, dinner wasn't made, orders on Etsy were ringing in on my phone, I was getting emails from wedding clients that I so desperately wanted to fulfill, I wanted to work on my blog posts, but I was taking care of the kids and trying to be a good mommy, so I turned my back to my computer and went outside to play with Brian in the leaves, coo'ed with Grace, etc... Then at night while we were lying in bed, Brian said, let's get you some more help, let's get a nanny. I'd rather you be happy and feel satisfied at the end of the day then so tired from trying to work and be a mom at literally the same time. Half of me LOVES the idea, the other half feels like shit about it. I'm a stay-at-home mom with a nanny?? Because it's my own business and I have control over the work load to some extent it does sometimes feel like I'm a stay-at-home mom with a hobby, and I'm getting a nanny to spend time on that. UGH. But really, the truth is, I have so many dreams and goals for Pure Joy Home and I get so much peace and satisfaction from it. It's my creative outlet and without it, I don't know how I would be. Seriously.<br /> <br /> So I found myself a nanny. She'll be coming on Mondays and Fridays, from 9-4. She'll be with the kiddies in the morning so I can sit at my computer, drink a cup of coffee and WORK :) You don't know how happy that makes me!! I'll keep you posted on how it goes, but I'm looking forward to it, really. I hope my kids (and myself frankly) don't look back and think this is a selfish move, but as I write this post (it's like therapy) I'm getting over the MOM GUILT, the positive effects it will have on my mood, and in turn, our family will far outweigh the downside, if there even is one.<br /> <br /> In conclusion, the most important role of a mother is to be the heart of the home, and we need to feed our souls with whatever it is to keep that role alive and well. It could be yoga, blogging, working out, writing, reading, painting, shopping, it doesn't matter. The point is, we need to banish the mom guilt for doing for ourselves.<br /> <br /> The End.

general lifestyle, MOTHERHOOD, THURSDAY THOUGHTS

Thursday Thoughts...On MOM GUILT

I'm strugglin' girls with a decision coming up, well not really struggling but "rich people problems" as they say,...

Thursday Thoughts :: Babysitters

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKmy1Vy-MYez9Xgyo4l1q_oAxTk6kdRi1b0LUKYOWrSShS26W0FZmUfvWhx1SOW3nvL7-1-R5TAjpu5pWHg95TG5OFqUsyam3i5U7XKQh8heCwl-f5cyIv_Ujsc4xh0qLxR270dCawihjn/s1600/Untitled-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKmy1Vy-MYez9Xgyo4l1q_oAxTk6kdRi1b0LUKYOWrSShS26W0FZmUfvWhx1SOW3nvL7-1-R5TAjpu5pWHg95TG5OFqUsyam3i5U7XKQh8heCwl-f5cyIv_Ujsc4xh0qLxR270dCawihjn/s400/Untitled-2.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <br /></div> A wise woman at a restaurant in Rowayton once told me, "get yourself plenty of good babysitters, they are far cheaper than a divorce". She told me this upon seeing the aggravation we were facing with our toddler who really didn't want to be there, and my large baby bump at 36 weeks pregnant. We chatted with them for a while and they seemed so relaxed, their three kids were playing at the beach down the street with their babysitter while they enjoyed a nice lunch (with wine).<br /> <br /> Brian and I left the restaurant with a plan, we were going to get some babysitters. We actually have my parents who live down the street and they help A TON, but being able to lock in a sitter whenever you want without guilt is kind of priceless. As a couple, we thoroughly enjoy our time together, just the two of us. We love to be active and do things like paddle board, kayak, read on the beach, ski, go for runs, play tennis, etc...and we also love to go to a restaurant and enjoy a nice meal with a couple of glasses of wine. In fact, we went out last night :) We sat at the bar at FISH in Stamford and had dinner. We chatted with some other nice folks who were also sitting at the bar and we just had a great time. We were only out for two hours but we connected and felt like humans in love, not just parents. It's SO important and if you don't already, I highly recommend you get some sitters that your kids love, and that you trust, and get multiple.<br /> <br /> Now, I realize we are fortunate to be able to afford sitters and if you can't, maybe you can trade with your friends, kind of like, we'll watch your kids on Friday night if you'll watch ours next Friday. And if you can't afford to go out to dinner, go back to your house without them and be alone! Light a fire, turn on some music, pop a bottle of wine, order takeout, you get the picture.<br /> <div> <br /></div> I hope I'm not coming across like I don't like to hang out with my kids because of course, we LOVE being with them. I know these years will go fast and we do cherish every moment, and in time we'll introduce them to all the fun things we can do together, but for now, on occasion, we'll call the babysitter and enjoy ourselves.<br /> <br /> I actually know lots of moms who've never left their kids, like at all, even with family, and I kind of don't understand that. I wonder if they think it makes them better parents? Do they have mom guilt? Do they think their kids will be upset? The thing is, if you go too long without that one-on-one time with your husband, you might forget what it's like to be a couple and then you're in trouble. So you might think you're doing your kids a favor by never leaving them, but really, you're doing them a disservice. Stay in love with your husband, respect one another and have fun with each other, the same way you do with your kids. They'll grow up happier and healthier seeing their parents this way,  I promise.<br /> <br /> Where to find babysitters? Talk to people, see a nice teenage/college student hostessing at a restaurant? Ask her if she also babysits; See a babysitter at the park? Ask her for her number; care.com, sitter-city.com; call the high school and/or local college and ask if they have a list, there are so many out there! We found our babysitter from the swim club we belong to and two others are our neighbors. We try and go out two-four times/month.<br /> <br /> Happy Dating and Good Luck!

MOTHERHOOD, THURSDAY THOUGHTS

Thursday Thoughts :: Babysitters

A wise woman at a restaurant in Rowayton once told me, "get yourself plenty of good babysitters, they are far cheaper than a divorc...

Thursday Thoughts :: Lack of Sleep

Seriously, being a mother is effing hard. I don't want you to think I hate being a mom because it's the best thing that ever happened to me and I count my blessings for my two beautiful children every single day, BUT it's hard. The hardest part I'm currently facing is lack of sleep. You have these nights where as soon as you get to sleep, one kid is up with a bad dream, and then 2 hours later your 3 month old is up for 3 hours, and then an hour later, your toddler is up for the day! I had one of those last night, and I feel like hell in a hand basket today. And the thing about being a mother is, you kind of just have to ignore it, drink loads of coffee and count down the minutes until bed time. Lucky for me, my kids are still at the ages where we can cozy up and do low-key activities all day, and there is a slight, slight chance that naps will happen at the same time and I can squeeze in some zzz's. I know that won't last forever, but I guess the babies being up at night thing passes, too, and then it's something else.<br /> <br /> I'm also lucky that I don't have to report into a job where my mind needs to be sharp, I seriously don't know how I could do that after a night like last night. I would like to bow down and give these mothers serious, serious props. Being a stay-at-home mother isn't always easy, but the whole "not reporting in and holding yourself accountable for anything other than family" is very forgiving.  Put me in front of a room to do a presentation after last night, shut your business down.<br /> <br /> I don't know why exactly I'm posting this today, but I think a lot of other moms read this blog and soon-to-be moms as well, so I'd like them to know they are not alone, and warn the soon-to-be moms what they are in for (not to scare you away!). I met with a wedding client while I was in Florida, and she asked me what it's like with two. I went into everything, the good and the bad, and she was so appreciative that I didn't sugar coat it, so I guess I'm transferring that here. She also saw me without make-up, hair a mess, holding a crying baby, my bathing suit probably falling down my annoyingly large breasts that were definitely showing nipp, and a great husband playing with our toddler in the water while we chatted (as you can guess, we took the meeting to the beach).<br /> <br /> To conclude, I'll say it again, motherhood is by far the most rewarding and fulfilling thing I have ever done, but hard in that it never lets up. There's no "break" except when they sleep (and you're kind of always on the edge to make sure they stay asleep), or if you pay for it with a babysitter (and they are still always on your mind, and in some way, you're most likely worrying about them).<br /> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-2_eaWlR9aOEZiL8hUTSUr7SqVrjgHiAvczlItCNji3L6yiZxAAdEzo6RZ6vTAIDCR3wmr985nsSb4S3uA82DMNnyu1LkSL6KcDULYCP9J94YjVFIUaIYZnglYB11fEWHJJD7PLDC_M_/s1600/MOTHERHOOD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-2_eaWlR9aOEZiL8hUTSUr7SqVrjgHiAvczlItCNji3L6yiZxAAdEzo6RZ6vTAIDCR3wmr985nsSb4S3uA82DMNnyu1LkSL6KcDULYCP9J94YjVFIUaIYZnglYB11fEWHJJD7PLDC_M_/s640/MOTHERHOOD.jpg" width="528" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> More on Mom Guilt later... HAPPY TIMES</div>

MOTHERHOOD, THURSDAY THOUGHTS

Thursday Thoughts :: Lack of Sleep

Seriously, being a mother is effing hard. I don't want you to think I hate being a mom because it's the best thing that ever happene...