Posted by / Thursday, November 12, 2015 / 7 Comments / , ,

Thursday Thoughts...On MOM GUILT



I'm strugglin' girls with a decision coming up, well not really struggling but "rich people problems" as they say, AND NOTE I am not rich AT ALL, it's a joke.  As many of you know I'm a work-at-home mom. I write this blog, run a paperie on Etsy, and am starting a completely new venture in the fashion realm on instagram. I'd say right now my time is about 80% kids, 20% work, and truthfully, I'd like the work part to be more...Aaaand I feel bad about that. Why?

Because MOM GUILT and it's so effing annoying. The thing is, I'm choosing to work, so that means choosing to spend less time with my kids to do something I enjoy, and there is a part of me that says it's okay if it's what makes you happy and in turn a better mom, and then there's a part of me that says it's selfish and that one day I might look back and say I wish I'd spent more time with my kids instead of in front of a computer screen. Again this guilt stems from the fact that I'm choosing to work, which is much different than having to work for income, though of course we would benefit greatly from some added income so we could save, college funds, etc... Also please note, I'm not trying to brag about the fact that I have that choice, it's just where our life is right now and we have made sacrifices to live off of one income, and I'm fully aware that can all change one day.

So, this week I kind of hit a breaking point. I was pretty strung out by the time my hubby came home from work. The house was messy, dinner wasn't made, orders on Etsy were ringing in on my phone, I was getting emails from wedding clients that I so desperately wanted to fulfill, I wanted to work on my blog posts, but I was taking care of the kids and trying to be a good mommy, so I turned my back to my computer and went outside to play with Brian in the leaves, coo'ed with Grace, etc... Then at night while we were lying in bed, Brian said, let's get you some more help, let's get a nanny. I'd rather you be happy and feel satisfied at the end of the day then so tired from trying to work and be a mom at literally the same time. Half of me LOVES the idea, the other half feels like shit about it. I'm a stay-at-home mom with a nanny?? Because it's my own business and I have control over the work load to some extent it does sometimes feel like I'm a stay-at-home mom with a hobby, and I'm getting a nanny to spend time on that. UGH. But really, the truth is, I have so many dreams and goals for Pure Joy Home and I get so much peace and satisfaction from it. It's my creative outlet and without it, I don't know how I would be. Seriously.

So I found myself a nanny. She'll be coming on Mondays and Fridays, from 9-4. She'll be with the kiddies in the morning so I can sit at my computer, drink a cup of coffee and WORK :) You don't know how happy that makes me!! I'll keep you posted on how it goes, but I'm looking forward to it, really. I hope my kids (and myself frankly) don't look back and think this is a selfish move, but as I write this post (it's like therapy) I'm getting over the MOM GUILT, the positive effects it will have on my mood, and in turn, our family will far outweigh the downside, if there even is one.

In conclusion, the most important role of a mother is to be the heart of the home, and we need to feed our souls with whatever it is to keep that role alive and well. It could be yoga, blogging, working out, writing, reading, painting, shopping, it doesn't matter. The point is, we need to banish the mom guilt for doing for ourselves.

The End.

7 comments:

  1. Liz, it is no surprise that there are no comments to this post. My jaw dropped after reading this. Do you know the meaning of modesty and humility? Dear God, if I had the privilege to be a work at home mom plus have a nanny twice a week, I certainly wouldn't boast about having "rich girl problems", let alone talk about "mom guilt." "Rich girl problems" is more like "the luckiest damn girl in the world!" blessing in my book...If you really want to understand mom guilt, try walking in the shoes of a full-time working mom, who does not have a choice, and works 45+ hours a week while her kid is being cared for by other people. This post surely hit home and unfortunately for you, I have a lot of young mom friends who have also read it and feel exactly the same way.

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    1. Hi Anonymous, sorry you feel this way. First off, I rarely get comments so it really is no surprise that there were no comments on this post. I made it very clear that I am fortunate to be in this position and also how life can change at any moment. I'm getting a nanny so that I don't have to work and juggle kids at the same exact moment, like others who go out of the home to work. I am an entrepreneur pursuing a career and am getting help with my children so I can go to work and make my mark in the world. I have mom guilt like every other mom out there doing the same dang thing, working and having someone else watch their kids. Haters gonna hate.

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  2. Also I am SO NOT RICH, "rich people problems" is slang and maybe should be rephrased as "first-world problems"

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  3. Wow. Holy inconsiderate post by someone that's anonymous. What this reader fails to realize is that everyone has a struggle - balancing life, kids, work, dreams, aspirations, chores, etc. I think it is so incredibly unfair to compare two very different lives. You stress how thankful you are for everything you have, and highlight that everyone needs something in life that fulfills them in a way that makes them the best they can be. I don't have kids, and am not married, and I find it difficult to balance my long hours and travel for work, time with family, keeping up relationships with friends, finding time/energy to date, and take care of myself in a way I can always put my best foot forward. I have an incredibly fulfilling life, but it doesn't mean I don't have my own challenges. I'd imagine anonymous would tell me I don't have any struggles and should walk a mile in her shoes. Liz - I dont know you but I love following your stories, your pictures, your recipes, and little tidbits. Don't let anonymous rain on your parade - they can unfollow you as they wish.

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    1. KMR - thank you. This anonymous comment has been weighing on me all day. I really don't want people to get the wrong idea about me being this princess having a nanny so I can do as I wish. It's her first day today and after reading this comment I'm second guessing everything UGH. I am not rich and we've made lots of sacrifices to get by on one salary. I REALLY hope that is not how I come across :( Love to you, and thanks again, Liz

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  4. First don't take anon's post personally at all!! She had no idea what your life really entails so she really can't judge. I am getting a nanny 2x a week and I don't even really have a job, besides my blog, if that even counts since it' barely brings in that much money. My husband works crazy hours and travels all the time and I'm going insane at home doing it all alone. I am taking out so many of my frustrations on my kids at the end of the day and they do not deserve it. I am in a place where I do not need to work and me working full time would just add more stress to our lives but I still deserve a break, everyone does! I have a feeling some of my friends might judge me but honestly it's none of their business and I'm hoping that my free time away will let me focus on my blog or figure out if I want to get back into real estate/home staging which is what I did before I stopped working. Please do not feel any mom guilt!! I sort of ddid too at the idea of a nanny but I feel a lot worse yelling at my 2 year old to go up the steps faster because I need him to go to sleep so I can get a break. Being a SAHM is hard, really hard, you don't get lunch breaks or coffee breaks or any breaks. Someone needs you at all hours of the day and it's draining. You need to do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled, it's the only way you'll ever be a good mom!! Sending hugs, a big glass a wine and no mom guilt!

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  5. Wow !!! I read your blog all the time and never comment....But Anons comment was out of line on so many levels. My children are now older but I also ran my business out of my home and had a Nanny. My husbands job was very demanding and quite frankly, I refuse to make any excuses I needed help. So let me get this straight going to work outside the home is harder as a mother than running a business out of your home? Generalization at its best. Also for Anon to state that many of her young mother friends felt the same as her after reading your post shows an immaturity and inability to make points on her own...also incredibly passive aggressive. Do not for a second. please, allow someone like that effect or upset you. Judgmental Judy needs to take a deep breathe !!! It is hard enough juggling motherhood, spouse, career and everything else that comes our way so rather than judge just support !!!

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